Things I have learned from depression

Depression, as you are probably aware by now, is awful. Dark, lonely, sad, desperate, awful.

But.

But it is also possibly the best thing that has happened to me. With the help of my fantastic therapist, and 50mg per day of SSRIs, I have learned more about myself in the past 8 months than I had since I left university. Here are some things that having depression has taught me:

1. Better understanding myself has meant I am able to understand others better. By being kind to myself, accepting who I am and how I am, it's so much easier to empathise with other people, to understand who they are and how they are.

2. Dreams are important and worth paying attention to. I take the time to think about my dreams now, and I am better able to analyse what they mean. Not with the use of a generic 'what does my dream mean?' app, because our dreams mean different things to each of us. They are entirely individual and reflect our specific state of mind and experience of the world. It turns out that for me, for example, my subconscious identifies aspects of my self as cats.

3. Other people are mirrors of ourselves. We like or dislike people because we see elements of ourselves that can or cannot accept in them.

4. I am all things. I cannot be good without also being bad, kind without being mean, selfless without being selfish. I am not complete without both light and dark, yin and yang. It is the choices I make that strengthen certain characteristics.

5. The little victories matter. It's the little ones that make the big ones possible.

6. Writing helps. Writing is a selfish act, one we depressives use to escape the burning catastrophe of our minds. Some of us write non-fiction, others creatively. But each word is written against the backdrop of depression and coloured with its echoes.

7. There is a way up. There is always someone who will help to lift the weight, even on the worst days. I may need meds and therapy, but I did not drink and I did not take drugs to blunt the pain. I felt it, I lived through it, I am facing it, and I am stronger.